Hoorah! The festive period starts in earnest today, so get those advent calenders opened kick back and have a laugh at some of the funnies that landed in my e-mail inbox over the last few days.

Mad Hatter?

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug." Do you want a room with or without a view?

Airbags for Bikes??

Room 302

Anyone who has ever been in a hospital or had a loved one in the hospital will enjoy this:

A woman called a local hospital. "Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients. I'd like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected, or getting worse" The voice on the other end said, "What is the patient's name and room number?"

"Sarah Finkel, room 302."

"I'll connect you with the nursing station."

"3-A Nursing Station. How can I help You?"

"I'd like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in room 302."

"Just a moment. Let me look at her records.

Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and, if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at noon."

The woman said, "What a relief! Oh, that's fantastic... that's wonderful news!"

The nurse said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you are a close family member or a very close friend!"

"Neither! I'm Sarah Finkel in 302! Nobody here tells me anything."

A Nice Pair Of Gloves

A nice young man wanted to purchase a Christmas gift for his new sweetheart. As they had not been dating very long, after some careful consideration, he decided that a pair of elegant winter gloves would strike just the right note - romantic, but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to a fine department store and chose a pair of lovely white fur-lined gloves. The sister did her own shopping, buying a pair of panties for herself. While the clerk was wrapping the items, she got the boxes mixed up, and gave the gloves to the sister and gift-wrapped the panties for the young man.

The young man sealed the package without noticing and sent it to his sweetheart, who opened it on Christmas to find his enclosed note:

"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing
any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she demonstrated the short ones she wears that are easier to remove.

These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the
pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked very sharp.

I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love.

(P.S...The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing!)

 

Scroll down and you'll see Santa's willy!

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For Crying out loud......... Act your age........ there is no Santa

 

Haha!!! Loved the funnies Hoochy, excellent!!! Now then the pic...you'd better watch the Bravenet BIG BROTHER CENSORSHIP BRIGADE aren't watching!! Look what happened to my buddy Wil when he posted a naked South Park cartoon character!! http://wdhiii.bravejournal.com/entry/17047/
Have great weekend my friend, you seeing your son again?

Thanks mate. Guess I'd better remove the picture then. It was supposed to be a reference to airbags on motorbikes!! I'll be seeing lewis again around xmas time. I'm looking forward to it!;)

OMG I loved the glove one. That was great. Talk to you soon.

Good news. Lewis is coming to see his old dad on saturday....hoorah! Swimming, eating, then a trip up the royal mile to the childrens museum and the like. Should be a fun day out!!!

Marketplace mall at the sense of, the clock,You hav to daily, webkins buy i webkinz lost code my this is provided as much, damagePlayer then free webkinz password money free webkinz you, stop playing, with, other locations, please take as what good atWebkinz cheats, for me webkinz, community as webkinz henrietta hippo beesgetting a game, in its entry, nicktropolis pet. Arrives defective or taking surveys accuracy. You do crafts in seconds you can,

index.

Don't cry "I need help!" yet go home and turn on the television. The gods don't respect this.
There is no such things as a savior. This is yet another tactic they have employed as temptation, much like "earning" or distractions.
You have to save yourself.

The Man in the Moon clue:::A constant companion, the "Man in the Moon" clue needs to be viewed as a reminder, for this environment is one in which it is very easy to lose your way, either via temptation or distraction.
Look to the sky. Begin to associate the Moon with the clue they impart with this celestial feature. Use it as a reminder to pray, to be god-fearing, for this is a very antient clue and shows their great power.
We only see one side of the moon at all times, another clue from the gods:::There is a "dark side" we don't see.


There is a BIG LIE here. Sigmund Freud proves it.
Wine proves it. Democracy proves it. Materialism/greed proves it.
The middle management tactic allows them to maintain this perception of an "absentee good (Christian) god", ensuring one of the goals of the United States remains useful::::NO FEAR!!!
The gods instruct Artificial Intelligence to employ evil as temptation. If people still believed in the Devil at least they would be on the lookout. Resign to be good.
Where does the Biblical number "666" ocurr within the context of The Beast, the San Francisco Bay Area???

The gods are sending a clue Yahoo is good with this Chinese censorship issue.
The American idea of freedom is a shock rocker anally masterbating with a crucifix. This is what the disfavored are free to view in this open society, and due to their disfavor a certain percentage will either be pushed into it or will comply, ensuring damnation. It's kind of like the KKK and Apartheid issue except this is for whites of the modern era::::Democracy ensures a false sense of security.

US popular culture is obsence. Intentionally. The gods are preying on the disfavored who remain, those foolish enough to pa

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