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Differences Between Women And Men
1.NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2.EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3.MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.
4.BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
5.ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new argument.
6.CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
7.FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
8.SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
9.MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
10.DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
11.NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
12.OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
13.THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
14. AND FINALLY....
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, jack asses, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
VERY PROUD TO BE BRITISH BECAUSE:
Only in Britain.. can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in Britain.. do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the
back of the store to get their prescriptions, whilst the healthy people can
buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Britain.. do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and A
DIET coke.
Only in Britain.. do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the
counters.
Only in Britain.. do we leave thousands of pounds worth of car on the Drive
and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in Britain.. do we use answering machines to screen our calls and Then
have call waiting so that we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want
to speak to in the first place.
Only in Britain.. are there disabled car parking spaces in front of a
skating rink.
NOT TO MENTION....
3 Brits die each year testing a 9 volt battery to see if it works on their
tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all the pins from new shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of
screwdrivers.
31 Brits have died since 1996 through watering their Christmas tree while
the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that the Christmas
decorations on the tree were chocolate.
British hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling
accidents.
101 Brits have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of
their feet since 1999.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 by trying on a new jumper with a lit
cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A & E in the last 2 years after opening
bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control
Scalextric cars.
All i hope is that you don't injure yourself like your fellow Brits??
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